Divorce is an inevitable consequence of modern life, as evidenced through the fact that approximately 4 out of 10 marriages end in the surroundings of a court room. While the process itself is distressing, it is nothing compared to the potential fall out that follows, and which often afflicts children and impressionable family members in addition to the couple themselves. Whatever the reasons raised and cited in a divorce petition, the emotional pain and distress incurred through separation can breed bitter acrimony. It is a widely held theory that love and hate are close and uncomfortable neighbours, and the gradual transition from life partners to separate entities often traverses these boundaries. Where children are involved, they are impressionable and perceptive enough to absorb and take on board vast swathes of these negative feelings and emotions. Always Ensure That Children are Put First Divorce is a clinical and unpleasant process that factors heavily upon adult life, but this impact is felt even more strongly amongst any implicated children and infants. They should therefore be the main concern and focus throughout the divorce proceedings, which should be conducted with humility and dignity to best protect said children. As parents, part of their duty in raising children is to protect them from physical or emotional trauma, and it is important that couples do not lose sight of this fact even when confronted with their own emotional tumult. There are many ways that parents can ease the emotional burden on children. Communication is a strong and often underrated tool, as by remaining approachable and explaining exactly what is happening and the reasons why then much anxiety and tension can be allayed. While this is a difficult process for all concerned, it is undoubtedly preferable to allowing children to remain confused as to the continued absence of a parental figure. The communication itself is potentially difficult, as parents must be careful to use suitable language and appropriate reasoning to best educate their children. It is also crucial that any reasoning does not impart blame or slander or an individual parent, regardless of the actual reasons for separation. Respecting Each Other and Ensuring Civility Not only must parents respect each other through communication with their children, but this must also be reflected in their conduct and discourse between each other. This is crucial to maintaining healthy parental bonds and children’s mental stability, as any behaviour that is associated with conflict can leave a child restless and burdened with worries that they cannot comprehend. Violence, verbal disagreements and raised voices are completely inappropriate behavioural trends, both in the unsettling effect they create and the example they set to a child for acceptable conduct in a personal relationship. Though parents can find this difficult in the circumstances of divorce and extreme emotional distress, they must act as a responsible guardian first and a scorned lover second. An even more damaging trend in parental conduct through divorce proceedings is adults using children as emotional weapons. Though this is often not deliberate and more likely a result of subconscious stress, it is still an unpleasant and undignified experience for any adults and children involved. It can take many shapes, although often involves the child’s primary carer restricting their estranged partners access rights and minimizing their parental role. Though such an extreme and distressing act is conceived from frustration and emotional pain, it only serves to create increased animosity in a broken relationship, and more importantly leaves a child feeling depressed and without a familiar figure of parental guidance. Incorporating Children to Create an Amicable Settlement Acts of resentment and revenge between separated couples are hugely distressing for children, and can even lead to a child developing an emotional burden of guilt and responsibility for their parent’s problems. This is a natural reaction amongst children and young adults when they are faced with something they do not fully comprehend or cannot explain, and this developed confusion causes an individual to form their own resolutions and understanding. To avoid this, the best course of action is for parents facing divorce to focus all their energies and attention onto their child or children, utilizing their feelings and emotional fragility as a motivation to maintain a civil and amicable relationship. By directing all emotional feelings, whether they are negative or not, into a single conduit and onto a single objective, couples can retain their composure in the face of distressing divorce processes. If attained, this level of objectivity and emotional focus can ensure that adults maintain respectful conduct while protecting their children as best as possible from any distress. The most important consideration for adults considering divorce is that it is a consequence of their decisions rather than those of a child, and they therefore have a duty to maintain civility and humility for their sakes and the sake of others.
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